


skinny love

by kakegoe



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, M/M, TsukiKage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27350332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakegoe/pseuds/kakegoe
Summary: They have both held on so tightly to a thinning thread, but their everything was bound to snap into nothing. That was the thing about skinny love; weightless… built in an already-crippling foundation. In the end, no matter how much they tried, their love stood no chance to bloom, not if it had already withered in the first place.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei, Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995268
Kudos: 19
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	skinny love

**Author's Note:**

> second day (prompt: insecurity + "was i ever enough?") entry for #HaikyuuAngstWeek2020. inspired by birdy's skinny love.

Tsukishima held so tightly to a thinning thread, scared of the pit he would fall back under if everything just snapped into nothing. All the veneers they had put up had already crumbled, the façade crushed, baring into the world and both their eyes what the truth of their love was: skinny. But they could pretend like they were never there, that it never happened, _that it was not happening._  
  
_Don’t go._ He wanted to say so badly. He wanted to tell Kageyama to just hold on for a little while longer—have patience and wait for a few more—and it will be better. He wanted to tell him _he will be better,_ but how many times had he already uttered those words and yet bearing no true meaning? _I will be better,_ but Tsukishima always ended up sinking deep back under a cloud of _what if’s_ and retreats, pulling away and into a room in his mind of nothing but uncertainties, with Kageyama coming into his rescue again, and again, _and again._  
  
At some point, it was tiring, but Kageyama pushed through thoughts of giving up, not wanting to leave Tsukishima helpless. He loved so much of the other, that he was willing to pick up their broken shards barehanded, even if it meant wounding himself in the process. He loved so much of Tsukishima, he was there—come hell or high water—using everything up of himself, even if it left him as a mere hollow container in the end. _Having given everything, having received nothing._  
  
A lot of times, it was tiring. And Tsukishima noticed.  
  
_Don’t leave me._ He wanted to say so badly, but the never-ending questions filled his mind with doubt entirely. _Who will love you? Who will fight?_ And it was then when Tsukishima had given the moment’s tall order. He wanted to ask Kageyama to stay, but he said otherwise: _wreck it all. Cut out all the ropes and let me fall._ And it was in a state of pure anguish, in lapsing wits, in rash decisions under blurred, sullied minds when he asked Kageyama to let go.  
  
So, when his tired lover did, it hurt.  
  
_“Okay,”_ the raven-haired answered, after a long, silent pause, in a worn-out whisper. It did not take too much straining to hear the heavy-deep years of burden in Kageyama’s voice, to hear the bleeding wounds poorly patched with broken safety pins in the form of weightless care. It was a mere _okay,_ and yet it seemed so much more.  
  
His hands softly pulled back, and it hurt Tsukishima to think that even in a moment of heartbreak and pain, Kageyama still made sure he was careful around the other. And it hurt even more when in the process of Kageyama’s withdrawal, it dawned on Tsukishima: _I burned him out._  
  
_Let go._ And Kageyama did, taking with him all the breathless kisses, the feather-light touches, and the withered love that was taken for granted. After years of fighting, he finally let himself free, listening for once to the tired cry that had long been at the back of his mind. He did not want to leave Tsukishima, but there was only so much a person could take, and Kageyama was no saint to be able to endure it all.  
  
Kageyama loved every part of Tsukishima. He loved the short blond curls that tickled his neck in-between warm embraces, the amber eyes which screamed golden under morning rays of sunlight, the rough, large palms leaving soft caresses on his cheeks… even the snide remarks the blond always chided in playful moments. He loved all the best parts and all the worst parts. But maybe he loved too much of the worst parts that it was all he had begun to see.  
  
He did not even realise that he had started crying… _quietly,_ through muffled sobs and stifled sniffs, afraid if he made the pain too obvious, Tsukishima would start blaming himself again. Tears unceasingly streamed down Kageyama’s face, but instead of wiping his own, he wiped the ones on his past lover’s, a careful thumb gently rubbing over a tear-stained cheek.  
  
He let his hand rest on the side of Tsukishima’s face for the last time, and the latter leaned into the touch, breathings falling short, heaves of air getting louder as quiet sobs tainted the silence of the four walls. It was the first time Kageyama had seen the other cry so heavily, that it physically pained him to watch and be equally helpless at that moment.  
  
Still, he had to ask, “Was I ever enough?”  
  
_Was he? If he was, why couldn’t he save the boy he loved the most? Why couldn’t he help the only person he wanted to hold onto?_ Kageyama plastered a gentle smile to ease the destitute boy. But even under the blur of tears, Tsukishima could well see the cuts behind such a kind face—cuts he himself had induced. _Was I ever enough to make you love yourself again?_  
  
“You were more,” Tsukishima answered so delicately, a breath into Kageyama’s palm, it was barely heard. “But I was less.”  
  
They have both held on so tightly to a thinning thread, but their everything was bound to snap into nothing. That was the thing about skinny love; weightless… built in an already-crippling foundation. Tsukishima was only there because he needed help and Kageyama had loved too much, he was willing to fall victim. While Tsukishima held the tickets, Kageyama owned all the fines.  
  
And in the end, no matter how much they tried, their love stood no chance to bloom, not if it had already withered in the first place.


End file.
